The Truth About ‘Toxic Positivity’ & Why It’s Making You Feel Worse

If you’ve ever been told to "just stay positive" when you were struggling, you know how frustrating it can be. Maybe you were going through something deeply painful, and instead of support, you got a quick, “Everything happens for a reason!” or “Just be grateful for what you have.” While these statements are often well-intended, they can leave you feeling unseen, invalidated, and even more alone in your struggles.

This is what we call toxic positivity—the pressure to be positive at all times, even when things are genuinely hard. While optimism can be helpful, forcing happiness and denying difficult emotions can actually make things worse.

What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how difficult or painful a situation is, you should only focus on the positive and ignore the negative. It’s the idea that “good vibes only” is the best (or only) way to handle life’s challenges.

While positivity itself isn’t bad, suppressing negative emotions can be harmful. Research shows that when we avoid or push away difficult feelings, they don’t just disappear—they build up. Studies on emotional suppression suggest that denying emotions can increase stress, anxiety, and even physical health issues like high blood pressure. In other words, pretending everything is fine doesn’t make pain go away; it just buries it deeper.

How Toxic Positivity Shows Up in Everyday Life

Toxic positivity can be subtle, and we might not even realize we’re doing it. It often shows up in conversations, social media, and even our self-talk:

• Dismissing emotions: Saying things like, “Don’t be sad, just smile!” or “You shouldn’t feel that way.”

• Minimizing struggles: Responding to someone’s pain with, “At least it’s not worse” instead of acknowledging their feelings.

• Forcing gratitude: Pressuring yourself (or others) to be grateful when struggling with real challenges.

• Avoiding difficult conversations: Brushing over uncomfortable topics because they don’t “fit” into a positive narrative.

• Feeling guilty for struggling: Believing that having negative emotions means you’re failing or “not strong enough.”

  
  

These messages teach us that sadness, anger, grief, or frustration aren’t acceptable emotions—which is simply not true. Every emotion has a purpose, and acknowledging them is a key part of emotional well-being.

Why Ignoring Negative Emotions Makes Things Worse

The human brain isn’t wired to just "be happy" all the time. We evolved with a full range of emotions because they serve a purpose. Sadness helps us process loss, anger signals when a boundary has been crossed, and fear helps us stay safe. When we ignore or suppress these emotions, they don’t go away—they get stuck.

Psychologists call this emotional suppression, and research shows that bottling up feelings can lead to higher levels of stress, anxiety, and even depression. Avoiding emotions also prevents us from learning how to cope with them in a healthy way. Instead of processing difficult feelings, we push them aside—only for them to resurface later, often in more overwhelming ways.

How to Replace Toxic Positivity with Emotional Validation

Instead of forcing yourself (or others) to “stay positive,” try practicing emotional validation—acknowledging feelings without judgment. This doesn’t mean wallowing in negativity; it means creating space for emotions to exist so they can be processed and released.

Here’s how:

• Acknowledge emotions instead of suppressing them. Instead of saying, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” try, “It makes sense that I feel this way.”

• Use self-compassion. Remind yourself that struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human.

• Support others with validation. If someone opens up about a struggle, instead of saying, “Just think positive,” try, “That sounds really hard. I’m here for you.”

• Allow yourself to feel without rushing to "fix" it. It’s okay to be sad, angry, or overwhelmed. Emotions pass naturally when they’re given space.

• Balance positivity with realism. It’s okay to find silver linings, but they shouldn’t erase real struggles. You can feel both grateful and frustrated, hopeful and hurt at the same time.

Healing Beyond Toxic Positivity

True well-being isn’t about pretending everything is perfect—it’s about embracing the full human experience. The goal isn’t to be happy 24/7 but to be authentic, resilient, and self-compassionate.

If you’re tired of feeling like you have to force a smile when you’re struggling, know that there’s a better way. Healing starts with allowing yourself to feel, process, and move through emotions in a way that honours your experience.

If you want to explore this further and learn how to navigate emotions in a healthier way, reach out for a free consultation today. You deserve space to feel, heal, and grow—without pressure to be “positive” all the time.