Why Growing Apart from Friends in Your 20s & 30s Is Normal

Friendships are built on shared experiences, and as we get older, those experiences start to change. You may no longer live in the same city, work the same job, or share the same values you did when you first became close. That’s not a failure—it’s growth.

Growing apart from friends is often a natural reflection of this change, not a sign that something went wrong.

Here’s why those shifts are so normal:

Your Life Paths Start to Diverge

After high school or university, people start to make different choices—some dive into careers, others travel, start families, or go back to school. When your daily lives no longer align, it becomes harder to maintain the same level of closeness.

Your Values and Priorities Change

In your 20s and 30s, your sense of self evolves. What once bonded you—like partying every weekend or venting about school—may no longer feel relevant. As you develop new priorities, some friendships naturally fall away.

You Have Less Time and Energy

Adult life is busy. Between work, family, and managing your mental health, there’s often less time to keep up with every friend from your past. As your emotional energy shifts toward healing, growth, or building a life that aligns with your values, you may not be able to invest in all the same relationships.

Why It Still Hurts (Even If It’s Normal)

Even if you understand why friendships change, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Letting go of someone who once felt like family can feel like grieving a part of your identity. Especially if they were part of important seasons in your life.

Here’s what you might be feeling:

Sadness and Grief

You may feel a deep sadness for the version of you that existed in that friendship—what you laughed about, what you survived together. That grief is valid.

Guilt or Self-Doubt

You might wonder if you did something wrong. But sometimes relationships drift without conflict. You don’t have to assign blame for something that simply evolved.

Loneliness

Even if you have people around you, the loss of a particular connection can leave you feeling isolated. That doesn’t mean you’re unlovable—it means you valued something real.

How to Cope with Growing Apart

Friendship shifts can feel personal, but they’re a universal part of adult life. Here are some ways to process the changes:

1. Acknowledge the Grief

Allow yourself to feel the loss without minimizing it. It’s okay to mourn a friendship that ended slowly or quietly. Your feelings are valid, even if no big “breakup” happened.

2. Reflect Without Blame

Try not to blame yourself or the other person. People change. What you needed from each other may have shifted. Let that truth be enough.

3. Reach Out—If It Feels Right

If you’re unsure whether to let go or reconnect, you can reach out from a place of honesty. Try something simple, like: "I’ve been thinking about you lately. I hope you’re doing well—just wanted to say hi." Let their response guide the next steps.

4. Make Space for New Connections

As some friendships fade, others will bloom. Stay open to meeting people who align with who you are now—not just who you were then.

5. Focus on Your Relationship with Yourself

Your relationship with yourself is the foundation for all others. Nurture your own well-being, values, and joy. That inner growth will naturally attract relationships that feel grounding and reciprocal.

Building Friendships That Align With Who You Are Now

You deserve relationships that meet you in your current chapter. This means:

• Friends who respect your boundaries

• People who celebrate your growth instead of keeping you small

• Connections that feel emotionally safe and nourishing

Growing apart from friends that no longer align doesn’t make you cold or selfish—it makes you self-aware. And when you’re clear about who you are, you create space for relationships that truly reflect that.

You’re Not the Only One

If you feel like you’re the only one whose friendships are changing—trust that you’re not. Many people in their 20s and 30s are quietly navigating the same shifts. We just don’t talk about it enough.

So if you’re feeling alone, unsure, or emotionally overwhelmed by it all—know that your experience is valid, and you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re just evolving.

Need Support Navigating Changing Friendships?

Let’s talk about it. Book a free consultation to explore how therapy can help you navigate friendship grief, set healthy boundaries, and build relationships that align with your most authentic self.

You’re allowed to outgrow people. You’re allowed to change. And you’re allowed to make space for the life and relationships that feel right for you now.